TYPE A

Sometimes known as the Alpha Human, Type A humans are the most difficult to deal with. They usually insist that you obey their up and down commands. They consider biting and other forms of discipline unacceptable. And, WORST OF ALL, Alpha Humans do not hesitate to call in the dreaded avian behavior consultants at the drop of a seed. Type A humans should be treated with care and cleverness. Don’t bite or scream unless you can portray yourself as the victim. Make them think it was their fault that forced you to discipline them with a well-placed squawk or nip. Never openly assert your dominance toward an Alpha Human because it will always react as if it were a flock leader. Remember that humans are not as smart as we are, and they will always fall for our clever deceptions.

TYPE P

One of my personal favorites, the Type P human, or Permissive Human, is always at our beck and call. This human, if socialized correctly at the beginning of your relationship, will do anything you ask. I especially enjoy calling this type over for a head scratch when I don’t really want one, then biting the human’s hand. They never seem to get the message, claiming that we Greys are sometimes a bit nippy-----Ha!----little do they know we’re taking advantage of their permissiveness. This type ALWAYS let’s you be flock leader, which you should be anyway.

TYPE W

Type W is the Worried Human. That’s right, worried. They’re those special humans that reward you at the very drop of a feather. Just pluck a feather in front of them and see how quickly they run right over, with either a kind word or some fun yells. Sure, it can get a little cold in the winter when you’ve pulled out all your feathers, but we do have a lot of well-heated cages------so who cares about a few feathers. They’ll grow back in a few months if we get bored with all the attention we get from Type W humans.

TYPE C

Our last type is the Type C or Companion Human. My Jane is one of these. The only downside to the Type C is that they are also often Alpha Humans. However, they can be controlled by lots of kisses and vocalizations. Companion Humans will also reward you for your cleverness by taking you with them to work, sometimes to lunch and even on trips, like Jane and I visited Merlin Tewillager and Sweet Pea Wright in New York. I actually like the Companion Human the best. It is easy to get along with, and although it demands some respect, it rewards you for every little thing you do that it thinks is clever.

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This Pet Human Report advice was published in the Spring 1997 issue of The Grey Play Round Table Magazine.